It’s pouring out today and tomorrow my son turns 40. We’ve had a complicated relationship for years now, something I feel a lot of sadness about, but I have no idea how to reconcile with him anymore. Reconciliation between two people is an exchange, isn’t it? And how do you do that when mental health issues also come into play? Without the process feeling like someone’s getting beaten up, and experiencing a lot of pain? How do we find a better way … of being, of relating? Without a long, gentle conversation, perhaps while doing enjoyable activities together, I’m not sure that is something that will ever be possible with him again. Playing a board game, or cards, doing a jigsaw puzzle, maybe someday camping again? It’s been difficult to accept, it may always feel that way, but as his mother, it is so very hard remembering who he once was on his way to becoming — just a sweet, kind, gentle boy who loved nature, music, and make-believe play — yep, hope is not something it’s easy for me to let go of where my child is concerned.